Whenever the family got together(at Christmas or New Year,for example) we entertained each other. Not for us the telly and 007! One of my contributions was this long(and now familiar),rambling tale...

I was once privileged to meet a smallholder who lived the Good Life, raising hens and ducks, growing his own vegetables and fruit, and selling butter and cream from his little jersey cow. He was particularly proud of the pig he had won(by guessing its weight) at the village fair.Whoever visited was taken to see the pig in its wonderful sty.

I shall never forget my first visit. The pig lived in comfort and splendour! The sty smelt sweetly of fresh straw, the walls were whitewashed and the woodwork was painted bright blue.The pig was plump and clean and pink,and sleeping peacefully. But something looked really odd.THIS pig had a wooden leg! I had to ask!

"A lovely sty! But why has the pig got a wooden leg?"

"Two years ago one of my hayricks caught fire. We were all in bed, fast asleep,and the fire could have caught the barn alight and even the thatch on the roof! The pig smelt the smoke and saw the flames. It managed to push open the bolt, reached the house and rattled the latch with its nose until I awoke. The fire engine arrived in time to save us all!"

"Wonderful! But why has the pig got a wooden leg?"

"Last year, in the spring, our little boy fell in the pond. My wife had gone indoors to get him a drink and did not hear his cries. The pig pushed open the sty door, reached the pond, plunged in, and grabbing the boy by his collar managed to pull him to safety. When my wife came back she found the pig trying to breathe into his mouth to revive him. Luckily he coughed and by the time the medics came little Jimmy was quite recovered."

"Amazing! But why has the pig got a wooden leg?"

"This year, while we were at church, a burglar tried to break into our house. He broke a window and the pig heard the noise of cracking glass. This time he went to alert a neighbour by banging on his door and pulling at his trousers until he came to see what was the matter. The village policeman caught the burglar in the act, and he is now in the county jail."

"Yes,yes! But why has your pig got a wooden leg?"

"When you have a pig as useful as that, you don't want to eat it all at once!"