This category will hopefully provide a home for a wide variety of items. When I left school for college, my headmistress wrote:'She has been involved in many aspects of school life:
it will be interesting to see which of these she eventually decides to develop'. I did not feel she meant to pay me a compliment!
A Bit of Translation
I spent over two years trying to learn German at the City Lit., Holborn.
Although I learnt French 70 years ago, I have not forgotten it, and was brave enough to use it a little when we were in Paris.
We were on the Metro when a lady came into our carriage.
She had a mewing cat in a large container with a handle, and we exchanged smiles.
I wanted to ask if the cat was male or female, but had no idea how to say it, so I asked," Monsieur ou madame?" to which she replied, using a scissors motion with her fingers, "Monsieur coupe!"
We understood immediately, and laughed together.
I did not find German easy, largely because of the grammar and word order.
I have never been able to understand why it should be thought necessary to divide everything in the world,even inanimate objects,into male, female or neuter categories.
However, I was beginning to make some headway when my arthritis was doing the same; I found it harder and harder to manage escalators, and was forced to give up my German class.
During my visits to Germany, I was given a long poem, written by a german poet who is considered very funny indeed.
I have always enjoyed translation, and decided I would try to put the poem into English, not forgetting to make it rhyme.
I shall give the translation in small sections, german version first.
You will notice that it has a simple structure, and rhymes in couplets.
Just glance through the german bits,then look at the English version.
I sent it to my German friends, and they seemed to enjoy it.
NB: there is no way of typing the special 'double-s' sign, so I shall put two esses instead.
FUSSBALL
1 Der Fussballwahn ist eine Krank-
Heit, aber selten, Gott sei Dank.
Ich kenne wen,der lit akut
An Fussballwahn und Fusswahlwut.
FOOTBALL
1 Football-mania's a disease
Which, thank the Lord, one rarely sees.
I knew a man who had it bad-
With football-rage went football-mad.
2 Sowie er einen Gegenstand
In Kugelform unt ahnlich fand,
So trat er zu und stiess mit Kraft
Ihn in die bunte Nachbarschaft.
2 Whenever he an object found
Of global form, and football-round
He'd kick it - with what strength he could -
Into the crowded neighbourhood.
3 Ob es ein Schwalbennest,ein Tiegel,
Ein Kase, Globus oder Igel,
Ein Krug, ein Schmuckwerk am Altar,
Ein Kegelball, ein Kissen war,
Und wem der Gegenstand gehorte,
Das war etwas,was ihn nicht storte.
3 A hedgehog, cheese,or globe,or pot
Or swallows'-nest:it mattered not:
A jug, a cushion,skittle-ball,
Round altar-decorations - all
Were booted, flying through the air:
And who got hurt? He didn't care!
4 Bald trieb er eine Schweineblase
Bald steife Hute durch die Strasse.
Dann wieder mit geubtem Schwung
Stiess er den Fuss in Pferdeding.
4 Soon a pig's-bladder felt his feet,
Top-hats went whizzing through the street
And then again, with footwork sure
He thrust his boot in horse-manure.
5 Mit Schwamm und Seife trieb er Sport
Die Lampenkuppel brach sofort.
Das Nachtgeschirr flog zielbewusst
Der Tante Berta an die Brust.
5 With sponge and soap fine sport he made:
He kicked - and smashed - the oil-lamp-shade:
The chamberpot flew with the rest
And headed for Aunt Berta's chest.
6 Kein Abwehrmittel wollte nutzen,
Nicht Stacheldraht in Stiefelspitzen,
Noch Puffer aussen angebracht.
Er siegte immer,0 zu 8.
6 All self-defence was doomed to fail
- Barbed-wire proved to no avail,
Buffers were quite inadequate;
He always triumphed, nil to eight.
7 Und ubte weiter frisch, fromm, frei
Mit Totenkopf und Straussenei.
Erschreckt durch seine wilden Stosse,
Gab man ihm nie Kartoffelklosse.
Selbst vor dem Podex und den Brusten
Der Frau ergriff ihn ein Gelusten,
Was er jedoch ais Man von Stand
Aus Hoflichkeit meist uberwand.
7 And still he practised,earnest, bright;
A skull and wreaths sailed out of sight!
Terrified by these wild mishaps,
Folk kept their dumplings under wraps
While he himself, though seized with lust
When glimpsing some plump female's bust,
Out of politeness saw no grounds
For sport: these balls were out of bounds!
8 Dagegan gab ein Schwartenmagen
Dem Fleischer Anlass zum Verklagen.
Was beim Gemusemarkt geschah,
Kommt einer Schlacht bei Leipzig nah.
Da schwirrten Apfel,Apfelsinen,
Durch Publikum wie wilde Bienen.
Da sah man Blutorangen, Zwetschen
An blassen Wangen sich zerquetschen.
8 In contrast,once a Butcher sued
Our hero for behaviour rude
- His brutal treatment of a Brawn.
And still his madness drove him on:
At the fruitmarket was revealed
A veritable battlefield,
As apples,plums and oranges
Buzzed through the crowd like angry bees.
9 Das Eigelb uberzog die Leiber,
Ein Fischkorb platzte zwischen Weiber.
Kartoffeln spritzten und citronen,
Man duckte sich vor den Melonen.
Dem Krautkopf folgten Kurbisschusse;
Dann donnerton die Kokosnusse.
9 Down the pale cheeks of local folk
The juices ran: the yellow yolk
Of eggs bedaubed their clothes- and worst
Between the women a fishbasket burst!
As lemons and potatoes showered
Around them,people ducked and cowered!
Cabbages,melons hurtled through -
Coconuts, pumpkins thundered too.....
10 Genug! Als alles dies getan,
Griff unser Held zum Grossenwahn.
Schon schakernd mit der U-Bootsmine -
Besann er sich auf die Lawine.
Doch als pomposer Fussballstosser
Fand er die Erde noch viel grosser.
Er rang mit mancherlei Problemen.
Zunachst: Wie soll man Anlauf nehmen?
10 Enough! As this match neared conclusion
Our hero,gripped by wild delusuon,
Already toying with a plan
To boot a U-boat mine, began,
Obsessed, to dream of targets greater still:
Perhaps an avalanche might test his skill?
The Earth was massive - just the ticket
For such as he: but how to run and kick it?
11 Dann schiffte er von dem Balkon
Sich ein in einem Luftballon.
Und blieb von da an in der Luft,
Verschollen. Hat sich selbst verpufft. -
Ich warne euch, ihr Bruder Jahns,
Vor dem Gebrauch des Fussballwahns!
11 Briefly he struggled with this problem - soon
Easily solved - he booked an air-balloon
And from his balcony that fateful day
Sailed - disappeared! Had blown himself away!
I warn you all, your Brother Jahns,
Against the dreaded Fussballwahns!
Personally, I do not find the poem anusing, but My German friends find it extremely funny!